i suffer from self induced depression.

i don’t want to start blogging again like that but,

today was really shit.
no way else to describe it.
and after today, maybe i really see why i shouldn’t drop that sheet of paper in.

cause i always respected you as a leader
but what you did today made me lose every last drop of respect i have for you,

go love your ______ acjc anyway.
they’re always the better of us two,
and we’re ALWAYS the black sheep.
acjc this acjc that,
acjc is already ready! what about you guys!
you all have no discipline! when will you all grow up?

___ this shit.

i am resisting the urge to punctuate my sentences with expletives right here.
i think my tongue’s been extremely loose and hypocritical of my own values.
so, i’ll leave it as that.

i honestly can’t believe myself for always trying to ignore this tiny speck in my own eye,
but as diseases fester, they just get too damned big to be ignored.
and i’m not going to ignore it this time.

sometimes i wonder if i should have just grabbed that opportunity to leave.

and the pressure from the shit i’ve to do for IB is burying me alive,
IOP Essay, Physics, BandCamp, Japan Tour, AND EXAMS
whatever.

i feel like just giving up.
for the people i flared up in front of, i sincerely apologize.
—
maybe that’s why i’ve been so damn unhappy lately.

set my application on fire?
im reaching for the lighter already.

when you ask for signs.

ever heard of the saying,
“be careful of what you wish for?”
—

maybe i’m just going emo over the fact that all my friends and classmates are overseas, especially,
you.
i didn’t figure i’d be that lonely all of a sudden,

and it’s just how unexpected things unfold,
guess i’ll be seeing you every other week from now,
maybe even opportunities to converse,
though they might be awkward,
something i’ve to settle for.

dreams,
i had a bad dream, in a 3 hour “extreme-body-fatigue-removal express” kinda sleep,
terrifying, almost diabolical.
i am gonna be so paranoid from now on.

i should just set my application form on fire,
saves me the trouble anyway.
a second disappointment?
hahah.
nice try evil bastards.

be careful,
be very careful when you ask for signs,
lest your life turns out like mine.

—
but after reading joel’s blog
i shall take comfort that i still have YOU.
my deepest incoherence right here would make the most sense to you, cause

all i need is you,
all i need is you lord,
is you lord.

the two mad people at the airport

so this post goes out to my two classmates,
well one ex-classmate.
—

HELLO YOU TWO MAD PEOPLE.
haha this post is specially dedicated to the mad person (you know who you are) laughing incessantly at the laptop. and my dear chairman-ine. hhaha.

would really wished to have joined you two, but it’s AT FREAKING CHANGI. which is uh, just a tad bit far from my place.
ahaha we should just hang out somewhere closer.
seriously.

in any case
hope you two are enjoying yourselves there.
hahaha, funny what joy webcams can bring eh,

again, HELLO! and enjoy the song!
AND DO YOUR WORK.

—
next time call cow along, so charmaine wont be so lonely
(:

family dinner

sometimes, dinner with your family is just the best way to spend an evening.

and what kind of sign is that?
BOTH in one dream?
such spite.

friday?

yay it’s friday,
school seems to be toning down,
NOT.
—

and somehow reading joel’s choo’s blog does not do his diabolical -world domination- scheme any favour,
i’d say it sounded
DEMENTED,
MUCH MUCH MORE when he said it to me,
and he actually laughed over it, and well i did too.
that’s not exactly a good sign of our characters, is it?

and looking at chin going mad over rugby08 is quite hilarious, hyperventilating and all,
damn, sometimes the simplest stuff like hanging out with your friends just give you that sense of peace, no, worries,

but then again, the same thought that keeps recurring through my head,
do i make you proud?
gimme a sign.

—
amos is such a killjoy
“eh! blogging in school ah, so weird.”
friday!

do i make you proud?

this week has got off to a really weird start to say the least
—

so after the rocking chapel, despite the few hiccups we encountered, we felt rather good, thank THEMANUPSTAIRS for guiding us the whole way, and to each and everyone in the band,

clement,tan,lee,garry,ted,tloh,zhuoer,

well done guys, and gal,
i really enjoyed myself having this opportunity to play with you all (:
and ted, hold your head high, i’m sure THEMANUPSTAIRS is really proud of you, leading 3000 people is no mean feat (:

and it was PURE SHOCK to stand not-so-directly infront of 3000 people, playing my guitar. swear i almost froze up. but thanks to THEMANUPSTAIRS, we still managed to pull through!
yay

—
and for you, yes you,
perhaps you stood in the crowd and looked on,
if you did,
i sincerely hope,
I Do Make You Proud.

and wish me all the best

haha funny how things turn out.
—

so, i needa get up at 5.30 tomorrow morning to get to school,
soundcheck and all, sigh, occupational hazards.

then there’s rugby finals after school, which i’m actually looking forward to, if i get to hang with the right people during the match, that’s a highlight.

my EE proposal is relatively done up,
needa start on my mathyportyfolioy soon,
and my physics worksheets that are crying to be completed,

so there starts my monday, and my not-so-long week i hope,

and how on earth did my cousin find out that stuff!
gosh, she’s really scary, must have some powers i don’t know about,
but then again, it’s better than others finding out.

—
tally-ho! onward to monday!
since when did my hit counter reach 3000?
O.O

new!

oh it’s been exactly a week since the last post.
busy-ness in-between,
but heh, what’s new in life?
—

my new table finally arrived!
nice long table for me to do work,
so i can actually do my IA’s without breaking my back.
or switching from table to table in my study!

and with this new addition, did a complete rearrangement to my room,
it looks really refreshing i must say,
and alot less cluttered, for those of you who have seen my room before, you know what i mean. (:

after finally getting most things in order on my table, i feel this sudden sense of accomplishment. hahah.

so maybe this new room is a new start,
guess i’ll take it that way,

just need to clear that pile of stuff that is begging for riddance
—
hope that something will be new other than my room!
soon!
and i JUST MIGHT post pictures of my room up, if i feel like doing so.

at the (early) end of the week

it’s been a crazy week
but which day in IB is ever normal?
—

but after reading a friends post, a trigger of emotions just run through your mind,

what is a “close friend”?

and i begin to think, do i have any?
friends yes.
a close one?
a moot point of sorts.

maybe i just prefer to keep things to myself.
and then again, whats this detestable empty feeling i constantly feel,
and these reccuring questions that are running through my head?

but at least there’s always consolations for a hard week
Chem Test : 22/30
Physics Test : 35/40 <– OMG
IOP : 24/30 “bevan, i particularly like how articulate you are”
that last sentence made me grin from ear to ear.
—
and my parents agreed!
so it’s just time to wait,
countdown : 2months
i hope they pass quick!